New Channel 4 sitcom revolves around the tics of the Goodmans. And if you share these "familyisms" you must be related, reckons writer Robert Popper
My new Channel 4 sitcom, Friday Night Dinner, is all about a family, who ? you've guessed it ? have dinner together on Friday nights. They're called the Goodmans. But, more specifically, it's about two brothers in their 20s (played by Simon Bird and Tom Rosenthal) who, as soon as they walk through their parents' door, instantly revert to being about 13 again. So when they're not pouring near-fatal quantities of salt into each other's drink, they're sending each other grotty texts from their mother's mobile ("You were a failed abortion. Love mum xx").
When I was developing the show, I really wanted to show a family under the microscope (not literally, that would be disorienting), so Friday Night Dinner is full of Goodman "familyisms" ? silly phrases and weird little concepts ? that are unique to the Goodman household and shared by no one else. So here are some of my fave familyisms from my own family. No doubt you'll have your own, but I guarantee none of yours will be the same as ours. In fact, if anyone out there does "Errrrrr errrrr" when they go to bed, then I will gladly eat my own face.
THE YELLOW CONTAINER
A rather dull plastic container ? which was yellow ? used to transport clothes from the washing machine to the drying machine. After about 15 years of faithful service, the yellow container sadly perished and had to be thrown away. Its replacement was a similar plastic container, only it was green. Nonetheless it was instantly christened "the yellow container", and from that moment on all plastic containers used for clothal transport ? whatever their hue ? were known in our house as "yellow containers". Even today, my brother has his own yellow container. It is blue.
'GO TO YOUR ROOM!'
One of our most cherished family sayings, which came out of an argument a few years ago between my grandmother, who had come round for dinner, and my mum. Voices had been raised and tempers were alight, when my grandma ? in front of everyone ? suddenly snapped and told my mother: "Go to your room!" My mother was stunned. It being her home and all. "What?" she said. "Go to my room?" "Yes. You heard me," shouted Grandma. "Go to your room!" The argument grew and grew, until Mum yelled, "No ? you go to your room!" Grandma looked back blankly, blinked a few times and then said, "But I don't have a room." I put it in the show.
THE WHITE HORSE
Whenever I see a white horse, I'm immediately cast back to the time I was a wee laddy. Back then, my dad used to run an employment agency for computer programmers and ? according to him ? a white horse would pop into his work every day for a chat. "The White Horse came by the office this morning," he'd tell me. Of course I believed him. Who wouldn't? But now I realise my father was making the whole thing up: horses make terrible computer programmers.
THE PIG'S ROOM
A small room upstairs that was crammed full of stuff. You know, stuff: a broken ironing board; a bucketful of J Cloths; a plastic bag containing half a million other plastic bags; and, of course, the yellow container. The room was so messy, it was known as "The Pig's Room". It was perfectly normal to yell downstairs, "Mum ? where's the mop?" Only for her to yell back up, "In the pig's room!" I think every home should have a pig's room. Preferably with a pig in it.
THE LIST
Before I was born, my mum and dad scribbled out a list ? weirdly, on greaseproof paper ? containing all the names of the people they wanted to kill. Don't worry, they never carried this out; they got stuck at the initial planning stages. It was just a list of political smuggos and telly bores they found annoying enough to want to push down a well. Face first. Still, today, if my parents see anyone on TV they find irritating, they announce, "They're going on the list."
'ERRRRRR ERRRRR'
Quite a difficult thing to spell, phonetically. It's more sounds than words, really. When my brother was about five, the only way he could get to sleep was by lying on his back and tossing his head from side to side, while moaning, "Errrrrr errrrr". Not only was this pretty odd, it was also pretty spooky, in a child-possessed-by-Beelzebub kind of way. Strangely, though, it does work: it gets you off to sleep in no time and makes everyone within a 20-foot radius crap their pants in terror. Try it tonight.
'SHIT ON IT!'
The best of the bunch. My dad says "Shit on it" if he stubs his toe, bangs his head, bites his tongue or runs out of ketchup. It's always "Shit on it". I've never met anyone else on Earth who's ever uttered this beguiling, beautiful phrase. It belongs completely to my family. So before you think of asking, the answer is no, you can't have it. "Shit on it" is ours. All ours.
A QUICK CHAT WITH JACK ROSENTHAL
Hallo Tom. You are in Friday Night Dinner, which is why we're interviewing you. Can you tell our readers a bit about your role?
"I play Johnny ? one of the sons. My role throughout is to be an antagonist to my brother, who is played by Simon Bird. This involves us bickering like toddlers each Friday when we go home for dinner. We revert to being kids and spend our time annoying each other. I also have licence to annoy my mother and father, too. Basically, I'm quite an annoying character."
Did all this annoying require much research on your part?
"I've been practising being annoying all my life and, if I'm honest, it's a pure pleasure to annoy Simon Bird every day. I've always looked up to Simon, but never known him as he's a few comedy generations older than me." [Ed's note: Rosenthal is 23, Bird is 26]
What have you learned from working with your hero?
"Well, firstly it's the faces. Simon is renowned for his faces. He can do squinty eyes. He can do wide eyes. He can do the upper-lip quiver. When you see it you'll never forget it. I've been told it takes three months' consistent practice to get that down."
As well as admiring Bird's upper-lip quiver, you're also a stand-up comic. Which of the two do you prefer?
"Stand-up is very creative and it keeps you sharp. But I've always aspired to TV. Ricky Gervais is my biggest inspiration. His career path is incredible. I'm from Reading, I studied philosophy, I spent years ripping off his comedy. We've got so much in common."
It is now time to mention your dad. He's famous for presenting sport on TV. Has this been a help to your career?
"Not really. Maybe if I'd wanted to get into sports journalism. I used to shy away from mentioning him in my act, but then I decided to change that, to make the most of everything given to me. I don't mind, he doesn't really mind and it's a real help when you're trying to get an audience on side in Hereford ... "
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